No, I'm Not Ashamed Of My Abortion. Here's My Story
这不是我的决定，有无地自容的我堕胎。这是内疚和耻辱，我感到没有希望成为一个母亲，因为人人都说你应该希望如此。所以，我跟我所有的力量都试图镇压经验，假装它没有发生在我身上。我是不是thatkind of woman—the woman who selfishly chooses herself over her unborn child.
你希望一个女人怎么样to raise, care for, and love a child in a healthy way if she doesn’t even know how to do that for herself?
But I was that kind of woman. And I’ve grown even further into that kind of woman over the last eight years. I knew having a baby would drastically change my life forever. But I didn’t know that not having a baby was going to do the same. You see, around the time I would have given birth, I finally decided to take responsibility for my life…and it started with getting healthier.
As an adult woman, my very first doctor visit was at a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic.
I grew up fat, and my weight escalated to 300 pounds by the time I had my abortion at 25 years old. Being judged by a doctor for my weight caused a lot of anxiety due to being the target of constant bullying and verbal abuse as a teenager and young adult. So, I avoided the doctor’s office—until I had no other choice.
Sitting in the waiting room at the clinic, I couldn’t tell you for sure what was the most difficult for me to face: the guilt of aborting an unwanted pregnancy, the physical pain that I knew would follow the procedure, or the embarrassment of filling out medical forms—not knowing anything about my health history.
相反，培育成长宝宝的需要的，我喂自己更加滋补的食物，并开始锻炼。I committed to being healthier than I was the day before, which led me to lose 150 pounds in 11 months. Instead of teaching my child how to spell Mississippi, I stopped being a high-school dropout and enrolled in community college and began taking the courses that would eventually lead to a degree, scholarships, and a government job. Instead of showing my kid how to be brave enough to stand up to a bully, I had to gradually develop that courage, confidence, and self-awareness for myself.
At 25 years old, I didn’t know how to take care of or love myself. How do you expect a woman to raise, care for, and love a child in a healthy way if she doesn’t even know how to do that for herself?
In the end, every right choice could turn out wrong, and every wrong choice could turn out right. Only the woman can decide what is best for her in that situation. One lesson abortion has taught me is that the choice is less about what happens and more about how we deal with it. My abortion gave me the opportunity to turn my life around and start taking better care of myself and my future. I celebrate Mother’s Day by honoring the gift my unborn child gave me: the wake-up call to change.
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